For the Adults

These jokes are a little risqué, and are probably only suitable for adults or older teenagers. Enjoy!


Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

A wizard walks into a bar.  He disappeared with a poof

A woman walked into a bar and asked the bar man for a double entruandre.  He gave her one

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.